Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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