im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Come back. Shots need mouths.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
