did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
