The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize