you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
