I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
