When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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