hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
