And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize