how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
