Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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