I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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