Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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