hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We have started to decorate penises.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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