Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
