Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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