your parents love me but you hate me
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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