Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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