I want to have your abortion
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed š
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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