Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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