I bet he comes in French.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
