in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
