It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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