oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
