It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
