i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
