Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
