he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
