Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
