He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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