so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
