oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
