Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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