I swear she didn't look like that last week.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize