Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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