if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
