I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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