I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What a dumb baby whore.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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