It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
