Will you blow on my dice?
I bet he comes in French.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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