There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
