I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
