If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize