is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize