I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
