If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
as a side note pls kill me
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
