I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
