i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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