yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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