Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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