fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
