Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize