why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
