We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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