I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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