The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there's paper in my vomit.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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