i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
