38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
