U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
