well you can't waste a boner
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
