Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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