I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize