I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I came so hard my ears popped.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
