what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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