so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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