Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
