I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
