there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
