Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
