Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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