one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
