I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize