YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize