Sry I called you an 8
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
