maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize