I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize